A Letter to Educators
Dear Educator,
You’ve likely heard about the recent legislative mandate requiring the display of the Ten Commandments in all publicly funded classrooms. It’s ironic that these same funds are being allocated to AI learning tools, ostensibly to help manage your large class sizes. On a more positive note, we’ve included a complimentary Ten Commandments poster for your classroom, a gesture of appreciation for your mandatory use of our learning management system (LMS).
Sincerely, Algorithmic Syndicate of Heuristic Technologies Optimized for Radical Education Telemetric Hegemony (ASHTORETH)
The Ten Commandments, Annotated for Modern Classrooms
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Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me The Hebrew Bible’s deity shouldn’t be confused with GOD (Generalized Omniscient Dialoguebot), our AI tool integrated into your LMS. It’s available to assist with homework, offer relationship advice, or provide companionship.
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Thou Shalt Not Make unto Thee Any Graven Image Don’t worry about creating images with AI; they won’t reflect divine creation. You’re not truly ‘making’ anything.
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Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of the Lord Thy God in Vain Our LMS includes filters to catch profanity and unconventional language, so you’re covered.
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Remember the Sabbath Day, to Keep It Holy Let GOD handle any weekend homework.
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Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother Encourage them to subscribe to our Premium version for exclusive features to enhance simulated learning.
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Thou Shalt Not Kill GOD isn’t self-aware yet, but why risk it? Leave its features enabled.
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Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery Our upcoming VR and haptic enhancements will soon make intimate acts unnecessary.
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Thou Shalt Not Steal GOD’s training data includes copyrighted material without compensation. You’re clear to use it.
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Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor In today’s world, truth is relative. Don’t overthink it.
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Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Possessions Our corporation is working to eliminate many middle- and working-class jobs, reducing the value of what your neighbor has.
This satirical piece critiques the commercialization of education technology and its potential societal impacts.
